The World remains a poorer
place. Today is the 3rd
Anniversary of Caroline’s passing.
Caroline’s passing is just so tragic.
A very beautiful lady who had such a zest for life, who always overcame adversity
with that beautiful smile even in our darkest few days together. I will always miss Caroline and would love even
just another minute with her just to let her know “that the children are doing
great, I am alright and that I miss her and love her”. The rest of the minute would be just to hold
her again. I believe that in that minute
Caroline would be telling me “I love you but now you have to get on with
it! Make sure my kids are looked after”
Caroline was never one to sit
around and feel sorry for herself.
Throughout her life she has had to deal with emotional challenges and
her strength of character was so resolute.
Always the one organising holidays, outings, me and the kids. In fact I always have this feeling that
Caroline is with us and still pulling the strings.
Over the past three years I have
become highly sensitive to signals and events around me. I remember many years ago on a balmy night on
holiday in Spain with Cher and Rich, Caroline telling me completely out of the
blue
“When I die you need to find someone else.
You have to get on with it….”
I was just so shocked
“Why are you telling me this? You’re not going anywhere….”
It was such a strange
conversation. A few years later hmmm!
I’m sure that Caroline is still
sending me the message. Just this
weekend, whilst at “the Pride Festival” (I haven’t come out and being there is
another story), two songs just stood out both of which mean so much to Caroline
and me.
“I will always love you” by Whitney
Houston was number 1 when Georgina was born and for that fact alone Caroline
always wanted it played at her funeral.
The words are just so powerful and felt as though Caroline was talking
to me. I felt it so hard to fight back
the tears. A short while later Caroline’s favourite song
played: Mr Brightside, by the
Killers. Another very meaningful song
for us both.
Five years ago if I had read this passage
I would have thought that the writer had lost the plot. I’m sure it’s all just coincidence. However, when you’ve lost someone so close
you hang on to every possible moment to connect with that person.
I have reached the point now, with
some spiritual encouragement, where I will try to stop re-living the past. I am so lucky to have met the girl of my
dreams, the most beautiful woman – on the inside as well as the outside – who gave
me so much and made me the person I am today.
Caroline gave us two fantastic children.
My family have so many great memories which will be parcelled and
carried with us wherever we go.
Caroline will never be far away pulling our strings.
This is the final page of the “Without
A Paddle” and I thank you for reading it allowing me to self-indulge on my own
problems. I will finish with a poem
about Caroline written by Matthew Cotty, Georgina’s boyfriend. Matthew has never met Caroline.
It started with a smile in
an unknown place,
Then it spread like wildfire
from face to face
Like a butterfly in it's
effect
It changed the future like a
cheap Rolex.
It was love at first sight
The kind of love they
couldn't fight
The birds sang every
morning,
And they would dance every
night.
Spring would come twice a
year,
Straight after summer would
appear.
It wasn't the cat in the
cradle
It was the family round the
table.
He lost his hair but she
didn't care,
Because that smile was still
there.
It couldn't be helped, there
was no one to blame.
But the reaper couldn't skip
his claim.
And so it ended with that
smile,
And a tear drop which
started the Nile.
Love You
and Miss You
Paul xxxx
