When the Curtain Comes Down

“Double pleat or treble pleat Sir?”

I look at the man as though he is landed from Mars.

“I don’t have a clue what you are talking about” I reply

“Well do you want your curtains folded like this or would you like them folded like this”

I look at him opened mouthed!  I don’t know what to say.

I have now entered on yet another new world.  The world of soft furnishings and curtains.  I just want a set of curtains.  How hard could it be?  Extremely is the answer.  Yet again there’s a whole set of new words and expressions to learn:  double pleat treble pleat, roman blinds, contemporary style, classic style, tracker rail, tie back, don’t tie back etc etc.   My brain has exploded.  I am just bamboozled.  Every day is a school day.

Needless to say new curtains are sat on the “too difficult” pile although I need to do something or I could end up with an ASBO!

Even without the curtains the new place is fantastic.  It has lived up to my expectations and I love living the city life.  Now that the good weather is on the horizon the garden looks even more inviting.  I want to make the place my own putting my own mark on my new home so am going to bring the interior up to date and especially increasing the amount of storage capacity.  I am still at the point where I cannot unpack anymore boxes and suitcases as there is literally nowhere to put anything. 

Living in Clifton and so close to Bristol city centre is great.  It is a bit odd though when I have had to nip out to the local Sainsbury to buy a few groceries and then walking past people who are on their way out to a bar or restaurant.   I always feel envious of them and can be easily swayed to nip in for some light refreshment.

There have been a few times where I have replicated the comedians Micky Flannigan’s “Out Out” sketch.  Basically I have popped “out” to the shops and ended up “out” in a bar holding on to my carrier bags of groceries.  I have managed up to now to be able to leave the bar before I am “out out out!” Micky Flanagans Out

I need to break “out” of these rituals before the dreaded weight gain occurs.  Life is starting to feel like fun and less stressful.  The new lifestyle has lifted Joe and is enjoying himself since being home from University.  Why wouldn’t he?  “Subs” from Subway are literally a stone’s throw away.

Joe and Georgina ae both doing well at University and are now in their final term of the second year.  A term that’s last all of one month £3000 please – kerr-ching!

Life goes on and the past few months have been very hectic and work has exploded.  It doesn’t help that I have this tendency to say “yes” to everything putting increasing pressure on myself  Trying to juggle everything as at times been nutz.  So a just a few weeks ago I decided to book a holiday to Olu Deniz, Turkey.  By all accounts it’s a beautiful place with a lagoon and lots of people paragliding apparently.  Just what I need!  What can go wrong?  Well when I travel quite a lot.  Rich has already told me to locate the British consulate on arrival just in case and not to go to the Syrian border.

I will be holidaying with someone else, a young lady who I have been seeing for a little while.  We have become good friends and enjoy each other’s company but more of that another time.

So the bus rumbles on.  I feel as though all the people who matter most to me are sat comfortably giving me directions when I need it.  

The Next Episode

I haven’t looked back once since moving out of Blackberry Drive, Frampton Cotterell.  I am now resident in Clifton, Bristol living the city life.

The week leading up to the move started slowly.  A severe lack of motivation brought on by the thoughts of leaving the family home after 13 years and quite frankly I still had a stack of packing to do.

Once again family and friends rallied around accelerating the packing and cleaning.  By the end of the week I was ready.  Everything was packed away ready for the delivery men (who I highly recommend www.kwikmove.co.uk).  Well almost everything!  My memories of Caroline and the kid are cherished and locked away in my heart.  They will be with me all the time no matter where I am.

On my final day at Frampton Cotterell I had a last look around all the rooms wearing a wry smile remembering some of the many great times we had.  I locked the door, posted the keys through the letterbox, then Joe and I jumped into the car blasting my car horn all the way down the road whilst waving bye to the neighbours.

“Adios! Onwards!”

“Goodbye Frampton!”

“Hello Clifton”.

The new home is so much better than I remembered when viewing.  An open plan style apartment in a Georgian style house dating back to 1872.  Considering I am living in Central Bristol it is so quiet.  As quiet as Frampton Cotterell.  Although the difference is quite stark when you wander a short distant in any direction from the doorstep.  Literally 250 yards from Park St and 150 yards from Whiteladies Road both bustling streets full of shops, bars, restaurants and history.  Absolutely perfect for a single man who wants to live the city life.  The location has not gone unnoticed by my friends all of whom are eyeing up Joe’s room as a crash pad when he’s away.  I could easily become the most popular man in Bristol.

The move to Clifton is a big step!  The past two and half of years we have been travelling through the wilderness not knowing what challenge we would face next, living through a period of guilt and indecision.  The priority has been to ensure that me and the kids become the people that Caroline would have been proud of and a credit to her memory.  I believe we are doing this.  We move on with our heads held high. Our new home now provides the perfect platform on which to live the rest of our lives. We take the next step with strength and courage:  you never know what is around the corner!

Before being able to enjoy this new lifestyle there was the little matter of dealing with unpacking the boxes.  At one point, as my worldly were being unloaded and placed in my new living room, I began to wonder if it all would fit.  This is despite selling, donating and chucking out so much.  Thankfully everything fitted in.  Just!  One of the disadvantages of an open plan apartment is that the contents of my former living room, dining room, study and kitchen are now all in the same room.  Nothing matches!  Who cares?  I love it here.

Now that I have been living in my new surroundings for just over two weeks I feel very settled.  Most of the boxes have been unpacked (or placed into Joe’s room).  However, sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for:  I have already received a few calls “can Paul come out to play?  I will have to watch my weight!!!! 

Now for the next episode!

Pack Up

“Yippee!” Today I have exchanged contracts on my house and complete next week.  Friday 13^th  February

“F@@k” Today I have exchanged contracts on my house and complete next week.  Friday 13^th  February

After one of the longest deals in the history of house selling the light is at the end of the tunnel.  I cannot believe how long it has taken to get to this point.  BT have bought EE for £12bn in about two months.  My house sell has taken 5 months, let alone the time to find a buyer.  In fairness Natali at Andrews and Kim at Edison Ford have been superb at keeping the chain moving along and very professional estate agents.

Now I am on the brink of actually moving.  The reality of reaching the next junction on my journey is fast approaching and one that could be life changing.   It is by far the biggest milestone that I have had to deal with in the past 937 days.  Maybe in my life.

For some time now I have been downsizing my belongings and have made considerable progress.  Mum and Dad have been stalwarts ferrying my rubbish to the tip each week.  St Peter’s hospice have benefited by the amount of clothes and stuff much of which had never been used. However, I have a real feeling that whatever I do it will not be sufficient to fit comfortably into a two bedroom apartment.  The sorting and the downsizing will have to continue after the move.  Some say I will be still be emptying boxes 10 years later!   Lets hope not!

The process of sorting so much stuff has brought memories flooding back to the forefront of my mind. Great to remember so many great times with Caroline and the kids.  So many photos!  There has been some quite scary fashion over the years.  How did Speedos become legal?

Sorting through the photos brings it home how the loss of Caroline is still so raw and how much I miss her.  Whilst sorting, packing and disposing of our belongings I couldn’t help but repeatedly ask myself

 “how did this happen?”

Desk for Sale

“why am I doing this?”

I still have a feeling of injustice.

There is still so much to do.  Joe, with some considerable help from Georgina, has managed to sell some bedroom furniture.  Now only have to deal with 4 bikes, chest of drawers, a desk, shed full of stuff and an attic full of tut.

The good news about the exchange of contracts was however far surpassed by some even better news.  Georgina had achieved a “first” in her latest degree module.  Georgina just deserves so much as she has had put so much effort into her studies.

So the Watson bus goes rolling on.  The indicator lights are flashing.  There is only one way to turn and there is no going back.  Its going to be emotional.  Next stop Clifton, Bristol.

All These Things I've Done

The Watson family has ended 2014 in a much better place and much stronger than when we began the year.  In fact I am really proud of how we have grown in the face of adversity and tragedy over the past 4 and half years – even if I do say so myself.  Caroline would be truly proud of us.

Mrs Watson's family is looking good!

There’s no doubt that none of this could have been achieved without the continued support from family, friends and from people we have never met.

Each year I have set myself some goals just to give me an insight on far we have travelled and to provide some sort of vision for us even if the outlook has been very blurred.  Below is a review of 2014 goals:

Family

1.  Continue to support Joe in his studies and ensure he gets settled in the student flat for next year

Supporting Joe while he is so far away in Falmouth is not always easy and could always be better.  However, he has certainly matured through the first year of his film degree.  I really cannot wait to see the documentary he recently produced and edited.  Joe has settled into his student flat – we won’t talk about the cleanliness as this is a constant debate between us.  A real pleasure to be with him over the New Year period (7/10)

2.  Continue to support Georgina in her studies

Georgina has really matured and grown in confidence in 2014.  Georgina is now much more independent and has an excellent partner in Matt.  Georgina has now moved into a rented house in Emmersons Green, Bristol.  Georgina has been a big help to me in 2014.  Georgina is achieving high marks in her Psychology Degree (8/10)

Me

3.  Move house

The move from our home just turned into an ongoing saga.  To cut a year long story short my house is now under offer going through the usual financial and legal processes.  Similarly I have made an accepted offer on an apartment in Clifton which again is going through similar due diligence processes.  The anticipated date of the move is now the end of January and will mark a significant milestone on my own journey (6/10)

4.  Re-address work – life balance

This target has been a bit of a washout.  As I am now working for myself I feel a compulsion to say “yes” to almost everything through the fear of not knowing where the next contract is coming from.  The reality is that I need to believe in myself and find alternate ways of getting work done.  Oh and chill a bit.  I have to get this right.  Having said that I have managed to have some quality time off during the year especially to celebrate my 50^th. (4/10)

5.  Celebrate my 50^th birthday

For years I have been dreading becoming 50, even well before Caroline’s passing.  The thought of Caroline not being at my side made 50 even more daunting.  Well I need not have worried.  Thanks to my family and friends coming out in large numbers I had the most fantastic time:  Dublin, Cardiff, Bristol, Madrid, London and Paris in the space of six weeks.  Not too bad.   I felt very humbled that so many people came out to celebrate my birthday.  Certainly lifted my spirits.  50 is definitely the new 40!  
(10/10)

6.  Look after my health more responsibly

Well I only dabbled at this one:  started to detox but only lasted one and half days; started the 5 and 2 diet which lasted a few weeks before giving in to the tiredness due to living off 600 calories; additionally my liking for gin has become very widely known – four bottles of gin for Christmas.  Having said all of this   I did manage to run a few times per week.  Could do better – extra training required (4/10)

7.  Raise £500 for St Peter’s Hospice

Managed to raise around £300 in sponsorships; donating clothing and household items to their shops as part of my downsizing activity; plus I bought my Christmas cards from them.  I was also asked to tell my story as part of St Peter’s advertising campaign which is both online and being played in local schools and churches.  If my story helps one other person then it would have been worthwhile.  (9/10)

 

Work

8.   Freelancing has to payback in 2014

Working for myself has really gone well this year especially in the second half.  Being able to help small and medium sized businesses to grow is immensely fulfilling.  I also have some flexibility in my working patterns.  Now I need to get the balance right  (8/10)   

                                                                                                        Total    56/80 Achieved

Joint 50th Celebration in Madrid

Overall, I have really had a lot of fun and find myself with a huge amount of energy.  Life will never be the same or as fulfilled with such a void in my life.  The most important aspect I need to keep remembering is that when I look around me there is only great family and great friends.

If 2014 was the year of change 2015 is one of building on our successes and have some fun

Family

1.  Continue to support Joe with his studies especially as he will be starting his final year from September 2015.  I also need to help Joe find a job, preferably in the media industry

2. Support Georgina in her studies.  Also help find Georgina more permanent accommodation.

Me

3.  Move into my new home as quickly as possible

Dad's 75th Birthday

4.  Tick off another entry on my bucket list:  watch England v West Indies play cricket in the Caribbean

5.  Look after my health.  Being 50 has been a bit of a novelty.  On April 14th I will be 51 – it is real.  The first thing to address is my sleeping pattern:  simply put go to bed earlier!

6.  Run Bristol 10k – try to beat last year’s time and raise money for St Peter’s Hospice

7.  Not spend Christmas and New Year on my “own”.

Work

8.  Build on 2014 momentum but not at the expense of my own personal life

I am looking forward to 2015 with a great deal to do and achieve.  The journey continues and there is some clear road ahead.  As I have said many times before I just want Caroline to be proud of her family.

Homesick

Its final.  I will not be moving home before Christmas.  I feel very disappointed by this news as my house moving saga has been ongoing all year.  Additionally it feels like an age has passed since I accepted the offer on my home.  Most of all I would love to have started 2015 settled in and ready to live my new lifestyle in the centre of Bristol.

My buyers told me a couple of weeks ago that they didn’t want to move before Christmas as they didn’t want to disrupt their two young children.  The selfish part of me still feels that the move could happened if we all got our fingers out and pushed the solicitors along.  However, as my estate agent pointed out that ‘some moves get postponed or cancelled due to people taking holiday, dental appointments, minor illnesses etc.  Kids wanting to be able to open their presents at their own home isn’t such a bad thing!’  Humbug! Ha! ha!

The reality is that if the move was to go ahead before Christmas I would probably have gone into blind panic finishing off in total meltdown.  Trying to move house whilst having Christmas to sort and being really busy working it was very unlikely that the move would have happened.

There is still so much to do in terms of sorting and packing.  Now I can use the Christmas break to complete it.  In fact I have just emptied the contents of the attic into Georgina’s vacated room.  Oh my goodness!  There is so much family treasures to sift through over the coming weeks.

So all in all the reality is that the delays are working out for the best.  Well at least I hope so.

Georgina has recently moved out to her own home.  Matt and Georgina have settled very well in their new home in Emersons Green, Bristol.  This represents a great end of year after what has been a difficult period for both of them. 

Overall I am feeling really good at the moment.  My work life has really taken off which takes away the worry about putting food on the table and all that.  I do have to address how I reach the correct balance in my life.  Not sure I want to go back to that constant workaholic state that I use find myself.  If I have learned anything from the tragic experiences of the past 4 years its that I need to live for the moment and to value those closest to me – NOW!  Carpe diem!

Christmas is now well and truly upon us.  From the moment Caroline was diagnosed back in early 2011 Christmas was something I came to dread.  At the time I didn’t know whether that we had just unknowingly experienced our last Christmas together (ie 2010) or that the next one was our last.  Fortunately we were able to have one more Christmas together and actually we had some hope.  Following Caroline’s passing the thought of her not being for future ones was just too much to bear.

 

This year I have decided that I will find it in me to enjoy Christmas.  I still miss Caroline more than words could describe and holding the feeling of resentment that she has been taken from us.  I am not sure I will ever get over the massive void.  However, as time progresses I appear to be developing various coping methods.  Mentally, I have made the adjustment that I will enjoy Christmas and life generally.  Christmas was probably Caroline’s favourite time where she spent so much energy preparing for her family.  I want to carry forward Caroline’s spirit and legacy which means so much to me.  As I have said on many occasions Caroline’s memory will live on as long as I draw breath.

The build up to Christmas has been mad.  Amazon has taken the brunt of my shopping exploits.  Online is the way forward for sure.  I have been invited to my clients Christmas parties.  The family Christmas Dinner has been booked at Browns in Clifton which is walking distance from my new place.  Pity I won’t be living there.  Never mind!   A family lunch is booked for Boxing Day at the Failand Inn.  The day after the kids and me are off on holiday with Cher and Rich for New Year in Spain.  Not too bad

The map of the road is becoming much clearer now.  I’m sure that there will be a few bumps and blind corners at some point.  However, the bus is rolling along and its nearly Christmas.  We’re now feeling good about ourselves.

Moving Too Fast

Whoosh!  There goes October! Where has the time gone?  The past 4 weeks have been a complete blur.  There is just so much going on at the moment that my head is constantly spinning.   My working life has definitely taken a turn for the good and what more I am really enjoying working with owners of medium sized businesses.  It’s so fulfilling and additionally there is a certain amount of freedom as to when and where I work.  However, I am probably enjoying working too much at the moment as I am starting to think I can save the world. I am finding it difficult to say “no” to offers of work. I need to take my red underpants off from outside my trousers and stop thinking I am some sort of Superman.

On top of my work there is the house situation.  The house sell and purchase is going through – albeit at its own pace.  I was happy with the pace until last Saturday when I re-visited the apartment I am due to purchase.  Now I just can’t wait to move in and by Christmas if possible.  The move will be such a milestone in my life for so many reasons.

The acquisition chain is relatively short.  My Seller has actually completed on their deal and is in the process of moving out.  This is great news.  My Buyer is just so excited by moving into my family home.  The Buyer revisited the house bringing 15 family and friends around to show off their new purchase.  Georgina, who at the time was playing Mario Cart on the Wii, was slightly surprised by the number of people touring “our home” but reported that all of them seemed to be really delighted by the house.  I am really pleased that a young family are so keen on “our home”.  We just hope they enjoy themselves as much as Caroline, Georgina, Joe and me did.  They can’t go wrong:  it is such a life style home for a young family, situated in a lovely village on the door step of Bristol.  The perfect family home.

My Buyer will be selling to a “first time buyer” which is excellent news.  However, the housing market is in such a state of flux due to changes in the mortgage application process, uncertainty over interest rates and the country is still recovering from the recession that nothing can be taken for granted until the ink has dried on the contracts.

The packing away of the family “stuff” has been quite therapeutic and cleansing in many ways.  Well the little that I have done has been therapeutic and cleansing.  Needless to say I have lost focus and momentum on packing recently.  The therapy will soon be overtaken with blind panic.

The apartment has two bedrooms.  A difficult equation to resolve when there is three of us.  So I had two options.  The first being “first come first served”.  Obviously this is a very dissatisfactory to all concerned.  Being very conscious of the tragic reasons as to why we are leaving our family home I didn’t want Georgina and Joe to feel as they were pushed aside.  I therefore discussed the possibility of Georgina having her own place with Matt “the boyfriend” funded in part by the “Bank of Dad” initially renting somewhere for six months with the view of acquiring a place to live after this period.  The discussion was very quick.  Before I finished the sentence Georgina had found a lovely two bedroom house in Emersons Green, Bristol and had dismantled her furniture cleared her room.  I think Georgina like that idea.

However, in fairness Georgina was tearful about leaving the family home.  It shouldn’t be forgotten that this is another big step for the two kids.  In fact as I was driving to the letting agent to assist Georgina to perform the formalities I started to wonder what Caroline would be thinking of her darling daughter leaving the nest and the rest of the “shenanigans”.  I received my answer as soon as I walked through the letting agency’s door.  I kid you not Neil Diamond’s “Sweet Caroline” started to play on the radio.  There is no way Caroline was ever going to miss out on such a move for her daughter.

So a great deal is going on.  There will be no let up between now and Christmas.  Oh and there is Christmas to sort out.  It’s quite obvious that I need to manage my time much better before I collapse into a heap.  However, as Mario Andretti the former formula one driver once said “if everything seems to be under control you’re just not going fast enough” 

Keep on Movin

“Yippee!”  Someone has accepted my offer on their house.

“F@@k!”  Someone has accepted my offer on their house.

Ever since receiving the offer on my own home just a couple of weeks ago I have been searching Central Bristol for somewhere to live.  Central Bristol is now so vibrant.  Great bars, restaurants, plenty of history, shopping etc.  Bristol is even the Green Capital of Europe 2015 (not sure how it won that but anyway).  The whole Harbourside has been transformed from the derelict dockyard that it was when I was in my teens.  There are plenty of new housing developments being erected all the time with some stunning views.  The plan was always to move into an apartment on the Bristol Harbourside overlooking the River Avon and the historical dock, especially Brunel’s SS Great Britain.  However, as the search progressed I was lured further up Park St to Clifton a very beautiful part of Bristol.

Last week I made an offer for a beautiful Georgian garden apartment in Clifton situated very close to Whiteladies Road and Park St.  As there was another offer made we both had to submit a Best and Final Offer (BAFO – many of my former colleagues will see the irony) on Friday along with a personal profile of myself.  Without A Paddle featured heavily in my proposal. 

Joe's Award Ceremony at the
Wills Memorial Building, Park St

Rather than trying to second guess the other’s BAFO I decided to submit my best price for the property.  The apartment just suited me in so many ways that I didn’t want to lose it.  My all ethos is to never die wondering what might have happened if only…  Anyhow I’m not the greatest poker player – snap is more my game - and I wasn’t going to try to be now.   My theory is that as long as you know you’ve done everything possible and someone else outbids you then so be it.  You cannot control what others might or might not do. The obvious risk is that you outbid the others by quite a long way.  I guess that’s life!

I satisfied myself that I could have done no more and waited for the call on Monday.  When I finally received the call and was told that my “offer was accepted by the seller” I just fell apart emotionally.  In fact I had to ask the agent to repeat what she had just said as I wasn’t sure what I had heard.  I could barely speak, tears were running down my face.

“Congratulations Mr Watson”

“Oh sh@t!  Sorry!  Yes thanks” was my best response at the time

I was just in total shock.  All of sudden everything became real.   Since starting our long bumpy journey over two years ago we are finally approaching the biggest junction so far.  Moving out of our family home to an apartment in Clifton is a massive turning point in our lives.  Oh my god!  I don’t know if the outpouring was just relief that the buying and selling process is coming to an end or the fact that I will be leaving our family home.  Probably the combination of both.

Clifton Suspension Bridge

Quite frankly I am really looking forward to moving.  It’s another big step to a new existence and I couldn’t be living in a better place – for now! Living in Clifton will be a totally different experience and I am determined to embrace the change.  The stand out feature of the apartment was the fact it had a nice size garden.  To me and the kids the garden allows us to have barbeques and drinks with family and friends in the same tradition as always.  That will be very reassuring to me.   In fact now that I will be living so centrally will make me one of the most popular people in Bristol.

Now I have to get a move on with the practical stuff.  Legalities, searches, packing up, arranging removal vans etc.  So will still need to take some more deep breaths over the coming weeks.  But I can see the junction approaching quickly.