This is the article I didn’t want
to write. Christmas is a happy time of
year. It’s the time for family and
friends and a time to celebrate. I have
always loved Christmas. I don’t want
to bring the mood down but the thing I have discovered in the past six months
is that there are so many lonely people out there who dread this time of year. I feel compelled to put my feelings down just
to show solidarity, as Christmas can be a very dark place.
The festive period has the
ability to pull on all the emotional strings.
Previously I have only experienced Christmas has a joyous family occasion. This year the build up to Christmas is
proving very challenging. Of course
there is all the practical stuff where you need to be organized in order to buy
presents, write cards and make the arrangements for Christmas dinner. These
activities will always be stressful to me.
I can’t help that – I am a man.
To be totally honest if any of these don’t get done then so be it. I’m sure no one is really going to judge
me. The real challenge is the emotional
one.
Seeing couples together, every
piece of music, every Christmas card received is a reminder that you are
alone. My feelings became heightened a
couple of weeks ago when I started to receive Christmas cards addressed “To
Paul, Georgina and Joe”. Don’t get me
wrong I really appreciate the good wishes and support. The human kindness that I receive is
overwhelming. However, every card just
serves to be another reminder of my loss.
The fact that I am even Christmas
shopping is a reminder. In the past I
only had to buy for Caroline and that was hard enough. Now I am wandering around shops confused and
absolutely clueless. If that’s not enough your emotions are
constantly pummeled by the incessant repetition of Christmas tunes. I really don’t want to hear “It will be
lonely this Christmas” by Mud again. If I do
then I am likely to explode.
I always knew that Christmas
would be difficult. It was my choice not
to change anything and confront these feelings head on. To me it was the lesser of two evils. If any of us want to have a quiet moment or
have a cry we can do so in the comfort of our own home. So I am not surprised about how I feel, as it’s
a consequence of my own actions.
However, what you don’t really know is how intense these feelings are
and just knowing it will probably get worse.
Having said all this the kids and
me are determined to enjoy Christmas as much as we can. After all Caroline would demand it. Georgina has decorated the tree and the
living room, cards are written and presents are bought (not wrapped yet).
If you know someone who is on
their own, have a cup of tea with them.
Rest assured it will make their day.
Happy Christmas
No comments:
Post a Comment