What Christmas Means To Me

Joe paddling out of Lock Keeper Christmas Eve 2013

There’s definitely been an upswing in mood in the past few weeks.  In previous weeks the mood had been numb and indifferent. Now my mood is much lighter and actually I enjoyed Christmas. There is no doubt that Caroline was missed especially as she absolutely loved Christmas. However, Caroline will always have a lasting influence over us. For example the kids and I could never imagine eating someone else’s Christmas pudding.  Georgina jokingly said “we would be struck down if we did”.

We all enjoyed Christmas.  The build-up was ok although I will never enjoy Christmas shopping; Georgina, “assisted” by Joe did a great job decorating the house; all the presents were bought and wrapped although I have managed to lose two of them; we had to leave the Lockeeper Inn early on Christmas Eve to rescue our cars from flooding; Christmas lunch around the Badminton Arms was good.  This year‘s Christmas was definitely not up to Caroline organisational excellence and quality but the main point is we did it.  The kids and I have our own sense of achievement and Caroline wold be proud of us.

The upswing has been brought about by the positive steps we as a family have been taking:  dealing with Christmas, putting the house up for sale, meeting new people and doing new activities have all contributed.  There now is a feeling of acceptance that life will now be different and that actually we are allowed to enjoy ourselves.  I have been given a lot of thought of t what the future may look like.  As someone on Facebook told me “onwards and upwards”.  Various parts of my life are starting to fit into place although some parts are more mature than others. 

New Year's Eve 2006-7

There is still lots to look forward to over the rest of the festive period.  Time to visit friends and family.  It will be great to see my brother Andrew and my nephew Harry who are flying down from Scotland.  Then we’re off for some winter sun over the New Year in Gran Canaria with Cher, Rich and Matt.  In fact someone asked me if Georgina and Joe were going.  Without thinking I answered

“Yes the kids are coming with me.  And the boyfriend”. 

Instantly I realised that this statement required clarification “I haven’t got a boyfriend.  I meant Georgina’s boyfriend [Matt] will be coming with us”.  I still got a strange look.

So a relaxing time for all of us.  I will use the time to work out the next steps of my journey.  I have the feeling the steps are getting longer in length.

Just leaves me to say is “Merry Christmas and Happy 2014” to all of you.  Thank you for your inspirational support

Don't Stop Me Now

“I hope you have a big car for all of this” she said

“Don’t worry I’ve got a sleigh and some reindeer” I replied.

This was the conversation between the Till Lady at Sainsbury’s and me when she seen the amount of stuff I had in my shopping trolley.  I can assure you that the bill certainly lived up to it aswell.  Yes you’ve guessed it!  I have decided to join the rest of the planet and enjoy the seasonal festivities.  After much reticence on my part I have taken the plunge and thrown myself right into the deep end.  I was a bit apprehensive about Christmas due to the drubbing of my emotions and pulling of my heart strings this time last year.  Especially when being bombarded with Christmas songs from yesteryear triggering memories of happier times.  Whereas up until recently I felt much more numb about the whole period.  A bit nonplus.  Take it or leave it.  However, that’s enough of that “bah humbug”, “the holidays are coming”.

First task on the list is the Christmas shopping.  I have gone for it but in my own way ie no planning and no idea.  I may have said before that I liken wandering around shops looking for gifts for other people to trekking through a jungle with no map and no destination in mind.  I find myself either completely blind to anything on offer as there is just too much choice or all the items on the shelves are trying to lure me into buying them and take them home.  This is now sounding a bit weird.  First law in life is never be called “weird”.

On Saturday I trekked around The Mall, Cribbs Causeway.  Once I had “emptied” their shelves I had gathered sufficient momentum to take me to Cabot Circus, Bristol.  I was on a roll.  So much so I even bought presents for myself to put under the tree.  I can tell you now I will even act surprise when I open them on Christmas Day.  Is this still weird?  Finally I ended up in Sainsbury supermarket.  The lady on the till could not believe her eyes when she seen my shopping trolley overflowing with kids presents and groceries…  

A full 9 hours shopping and I’ve still got more to do!

Actually I felt relieved to have made a start.  Not only did I know that it had to be done even if only for the kids, I had to make sure that emotionally I didn’t slip back into that “dark place”.  Much more than that I did actually enjoy my trek on the wild side.  A bit of retail therapy didn’t do anyone any harm!  Lots of sales and bargains out there so you can get plenty of return for your buck.  Obviously can’t spell out here what I bought as you never know who might read this blog.

Next step is to complete the shopping and then wrap the gifts which is definitely a very technically stressful exercise.  Then for me the most painful part of Christmas.  Writing the Christmas cards.  There is still no way I can even contemplate signing a card off without including Caroline’s name.  Not sure what I’m going to do: “The Watsons” or just leave it blank.  I will always put “x x x x”. 

Now that the photographer has taken photos of the house for the Christmas Day launch the Christmas decoration and tree will be brought down from the attic and put up making the house look very beautiful.  Putting the decorations on the tree was always a special occasion for us as a family especially when the kids were small.  We always had this Disney Christmas Song video playing.  The kids would be wearing Santa hats dressing the tree.  Avery special occasion.  However, as son as the kids were put to bed  Caroline would completely re-decorate the tree in her own style!  Actually I may have to take all the Pringle tubes off the ceiling when Joe goes to bed.

So gradually getting ourselves organised and ready “but there’s ages to before Christmas Day yet”.  I feel that in the past three months I have made great steps.  Lots of pieces in my live are coming together which makes me feel stronger.  Christmas is just another test which I’ve started to enjoy.  However, still on travelling on my journey.

Country House

I have finally done it!  I have put my house on the market.  I have agreed the agency fee at a very competitive rate with Andrews Estate Agent who are very confident of obtaining the asking price.  Yes my house will be put up for sell on Christmas Day!  Apparently Christmas Day has the largest volume of internet traffic of any day in the year.

So I have committed now.  Not quite reached the point of no return but this is a major step forward.  The thought of moving feels both exciting and sad.  Exciting because hopefully I can make a new start.  But very sad as we will be leaving our home.  Caroline, the kids and me have so many great memories of the house.  I fell in love with the house the moment I viewed it.  It just had such a great feeling about it with a great garden overlooked by trees and fields. 

Over the years we have had so many parties, celebrations and barbeques with family and friends.  We were lucky enough to have a hot tub in the garden.  Being able to chill in the tub to the early hours or just submerge ourselves on Christmas Day was just so thrilling.  During quieter times sitting in the garden on a sunny summer evening sipping a cool drink just listening to the birds.  For me and Caroline the house was our sanctuary where we could relax after both having a long week.  It was also the house where our kids grew up.  All their friends live in the village and surrounding area.

Situated just outside Bristol in a lovely English village with good pubs.  Idyllic for a townie like me as Bristol was just down the road, well the M32.  My best mate Richard commented the other day “he loved coming to our home as it was one of the few places he felt at home [outside of his own home]…”   Basically our family home has always been a “happy place”. 

So now is the time.  The real fun starts this weekend.  The house has to look ship shape and Bristol fashion by the time the photographer turns up on Tuesday.  The kids are under strict orders to help me start packing away the stuff we have hoarded over the years.  I hope we get further than Joe with his pitiful effort in the summer.  The Christmas break will be used to getting ready to move.

The tidying will have to be squeezed around Christmas shopping.  I am so far behind in my Christmas shopping.  All around me Christmas is well under way.  People doing their Christmas shopping, celebrating, trees and streets decorated, lights illuminating homes.  I have not really got into the swing or mood of Christmas yet.  At the moment I feel as though I have gate crashed someone else’s party where its all kicking off and I am stood in the corner with a can of shandy bass.  I guess there is just too many things going on in my life at the moment: Georgina’s 21^st birthday; working really hard; dad having a triple heart bypass operation (he’s home now) and a general feeling of lethargy about Christmas.  Time to kick my backside into action and get with it.

So Christmas Day when you’ve eaten your turkey, Christmas pudding and slumped in the chair and your mind turns to moving to your new home then just click onto Rightmove.  I definitely will be.  I need to find somewhere to live.

My Girl

Our Home On Street View

On Saturday Georgina will have reached the ripe old age of 21.  However, nowadays being 21 isn’t as such a big deal as it was back in the day.  In the past becoming 21 was seen as the coming of age.  People used to say “21 the key to the door”.  Basically at 21 you were considered grown up enough to be a “keyholder” of your house.  Having a key has never bothered Georgina.  If you can’t get in through the front door then why not just climb through the upstairs window.

Georgina was a beautiful baby and we were, and still are, proud parents.  The day when Georgina first enter our home I can remember playing the song “My Girl” over and over.  As a baby Georgina was always happy.  Always ate her mother’s homemade concoctions.  Always on the move and up to mischief!!!!!  Some would call her an “active” child.  Others would call her… well let’s not go into that.

Dad, Mum and Baby Georgina

When Georgina was younger she loved sport.  Georgina would think nothing of going to football training every Saturday morning with 60 boys.  She played football until she broke her ankle whilst playing in the playground.  Georgina was a natural skier.  That was until a “tree jumped out” in front of her damaging her ankle and ending up in hospital.  Georgina was an outstanding swimmer competing for the Soundwell Club.  That was until her damaged ankle wouldn't allow her to kick hard enough.

Georgina turned from a “tom boy” to a girl at the age of 13.  Actually it was a bit of a “Kevin and Perry” moment.  Georgina morphed from a sweet young girl into let’s say, an adolescent teenager who made life very interesting.  Hair, clothes and makeup replaced football kits and swimming costumes.

Ibiza 1994

Georgina excelled at school, when she could be “bothered”.  Always having a very inquisitive mind and wouldn’t take anything at face value.  In fact there is no change as Georgina will always asking the imponderable questions such as “how deep is that sea?”, “are we there yet?”….  Academically Georgina has done well and is really enjoying studying psychology at Cardiff University.  Student life for Georgina has been lively as you may have seen on her Face Book page.  I try not to look too closely.

Georgina and Caroline

As I said Caroline and I are very proud of Georgina and what she has achieved.  Georgina has been absolutely terrific.  Always willing to pitch in to help me with the domestic duties of the house both in the lead up and after Caroline’s passing.  Losing her mother at such a young age cannot be easy.  Georgina reaction has been a real inspiration and has matured immensely in such a short space of time. 

We will be celebrating Georgina’s birthday at the Cuban at Bristol restaurant on Saturday with Georgina’s close family.  The real party will be a week later when her friends return from Uni.

Happy Birthday

Dad x