Caroline 10 Years On
10 years have been
and gone since Caroline Louise Watson past away this day 14th July
2012. The most tragic event in my life.
Caroline was just
a beautiful, loving and caring person with a positive outlook on life. She was always determined to succeed in
whatever she done. The World is a much poorer place for me and so many others
who were part of her life.
The last 10 years
have passed by so quickly So much as changed in my life and yet so much is the
same. I have been a very lucky man having a strong core of friends and family
around me. They have all been wonderful to me and the kids. I have also had the
good fortune to pick up some new friends up along the way. I would like to thank you all for your
patience you have shown in me and for just being there
Caroline was my
love, my rock and my soul mate. We had the best 32 years together of anyone on
the planet bar none. We brought two
great children into the World, Georgina and Joe. They are both huge credits to Caroline and
are both developing their own relationships.
Georgina married Ross last year.
Joe and Eve are going strong living in Bedminster. I am really proud of them both as they
progress on their own life journeys.
When I met
Caroline at the age of 16 I was studying for my A levels and had a paper round.
Caroline was far more sophisticated she was doing her City & Guilds in
Catering and she working as a waitress in The Berni Inn at The Llandoger Trow. Her speciality was serving the coffee liquers
with cream floating at the top. My mind was blown. I had just met her at
R&Js nightclub at a Student Night Disco.
It was love at first sight. She was always going to be the one. We married six years later on 19th July 1986.
We had the best
time ever and loved each other’s company.
Like most young couples we made our plans about where wanted to travel
and where we would like to live. By
todays standards these plans were relatively unambitious but they were “our
plans” and we wanted to live them.
We worked very
hard, almost driven, right throughout our life together. Caroline had a successful career in catering
and even started a business with Cher called Cork and Crumbs. My own career at Airbus took to me to unchartered
levels. I loved my job. Working with an amazing set of people and in
company doing amazing things in the national interest allowing me to utilise my
own skills and build experiences It was the
best job ever. Everyone in the Company
felt as though they were 7 feet tall. It
took me all over the World. I even had
a flat in Versaille for a year. How mad
is that? I loved it!
However, the
success of business and myself had consequences. I was almost ‘weekend Dad’ which was taking a
bit of a strain on Caroline especially after having her cancer scare in 2005
when a melanoma appeared on her back which had to be removed surgically. Being away all the time was not fair.
Caroline and I
devised a to launch the next phase of our marriage in the year of 25th Wedding Anniversary - 2011. We wanted to spend some time together
enjoying the fruits of our hard work and determination. We talked about a number of adventures that
would take us all over the World. At
some point, when I turned 50, I would
start the conversation with Airbus about my career taking a different direction
in order for me to spend more time with my family.
Caroline being
Caroline was on it. She booked a cruise
around the Mediterranean, drive along Route 66 with the kids followed by a tour
of California etc. You get the
idea. What could go wrong? We also received the best news ever at the start
of 2010: Caroline was given the all clear from the cancer scare. Full steam ahead.
At the end of
2010 we celebrated Georgina’s 18th birthday at Bocabar in
Bristol. It was a great night. A typical Watson night: fun, music, family
and friends. However, the days following
the party Caroline was just so tired all the time and developed a recurring
cough. I lost count of the number of
times that Caroline went to the GP. It didn’t
make sense. This woman did not know how
to keep still. Cutting a really long
story short at the beginning of March 2011 Caroline was told that the cancer
had returned and this time it had reached further into her body – especially the
liver. I never forget the words of the Consultant: “its all about the quality of life now…”
Caroline and I were
dumbstruck. We didn’t and couldn’t speak
on the short drive home. I can remember us
both led in bed that night. It was pitch
black. Our eyes wide open. Not being able to utter a word. We just held each other. So much was going the through our minds, so
many questions, what about the kids…?
The next 16 months are really a blur. I would do anything to make Caroline happy. Do anything. However, one by one we had to cancel the planned adventures and be a little less ambitious on our travels. Instead of the the Far East we were in South West in Dartmouth. Instead of Route 66 we drove to Brixham. Even the cruise was replaced with a ferry boat around Bristol Docks on our 25th Wedding Anniversary.
We did manage to go to Mexico for Emmalouise's wedding. How Caroline endured those 11 hours flights I will never know. We did manage Spain and Tenby too which were all very uplifting.
Throughout this period
I continued to work at Airbus but it wasn’t the place I had joined 19 years
earlier. There was a lot of change to
the organisation which was piling stress on top of the stress I had at at
home. In fairness I was allowed leave to
look after Caroline in her final 3 months. During this time 7 of us rode from Bristol to Lands End raising £10k for Cancer Research. Caroline was in the support car with Lucy.
We did have some encouragement and hope on the way. A new drug seemed to shrink the cancer in Caroline’s liver which prolonged her life by a few months.
Caroline and I were
determined to beat the cancer and not go down without a fight. People might say we were in denial. Life is
worth fighting for and we gave it a good go!
I remember Caroline’s
final 24 hours vividly. Caroline was
feeling especially tired and in pain.
Her Aunty Joy had come to see her, as she did regularly. When the Marie Curie nurse tuned up she took
one look at Caroline and immediately called the ambulance and notified St Peter’s
Hospice that she was her way.
The ambulance
turned up in a matter of minutes The two
ambulance women were so amazingly caring with Caroline. They treated her and prepared her for her
final journey. In the meantime Val, my
PA, had arrived with my Airbus compromise agreement. I signed this as Caroline was being carried
into the ambulance. Two pillars of my
life were both leaving me simultaneously.
Joy accompanied Caroline in the
ambulance. This was important as she always
needed the comfort of someone she knew being with her at all times. I followed the ambulance behind in the car
calling everyone to let them know that the ending was about to begin
We arrived at St
Peters and Caroline was transferred to a family room which had guest beds. Close family and the kids started to join me
and Caroline
Caroline went into
semi consciousness. Although she couldn’t
speak I knew that Caroline knew what was going on and who was there. We held an all night vigil where no one could
take their eye of the beautiful and vulnerable Caroline. It was so hard to take in. Georgina asked me “this is something that happens
to other people. Why is it happening to
us?”
At 1pm July 14th
2012 Caroline suddenly opened her eyes and stared into space. I was completely shocked. All I could say to her was “I love you
Caroline…” which I just kept repeating.
She then closed her eyes for the last time. There was a tear rolling from her eyes as she
knew she was leaving us.
Her passing is
still raw and the loss so great. Tears
still roll from my eyes when certain songs are played. Mr Brightside! Sweet Child of Mine! And when
did Sweet Caroline become such a phenomenon?
Its played everywhere and every time it hits me.
Ten years on my life
has progressed. I have been living in
Clifton for the past 7 years after moving out of the family home in Frampton
Cotterell. The change in life transition
and grieving has been so much more difficult than I could ever imagine.
Reflecting back,
I wanted to rush the grieving process. Once
Caroline passed unbeknown to me my mind and body protected me from the shock of
losing her. The numbness gradually wore
off and reality kicked in
It has taken me a
long time to get back on track. What I
didn’t realise it was always going to take this amount of time. And in fact grieving is never ending. People who have lost loved ones will never
come to terms with that loss. They just
deal with it – somehow. Never judge them
on how they look on the outside. It what
goes on the inside is the where the truth is buried. I am Mr Brightside!
I am now in a
relationship with Jo. Jo has been amazing
putting up with my ups and downs. I am
now looking forward to life with her and what it brings. Everyone deserves to live their life. We are planning our future together which is
exciting times. To be honest if Caroline
appeared in front of me today she would just tell me to get on with it!
When I reflect could
we have lived a different way putting more emphasis on spending quality time with
family rather than working and striving for the dream. I will never know. Life can be a bitch sometimes. I guess it’s a lesson that I have learned and
hopefully others will benefit.
At this time of the year I do always reflect on the night we met Caroline in R&Js 20th November 1980. We officially met whilst sat on the dancefloor doing the “Oops upside side your head...” routine. Caroline was sat doing the swaying side to side thing behind me. How romantic However, our song wasn’t that Gap Band 80's classic. We had a ”smooch” at quarter-two (a generational thing) to a beautiful song by Randy Crawford “One Day I Will Fly Away” which became our song. How poignant
Love you always
Caroline. You will never be forgotten
Paul x
