Charity Bide Ride Update

So far we have collected £540 for St Peters Hospice directly due to the donations received for our Cardiff to Bristol bike ride.  Come on lets get above £600
https://www.justgiving.com/Caroline-Watson-48

Moving On Up!

April 14^th , my birthday, marked the 9 month anniversary of Caroline’s passing.  Caroline’s passing in many ways seems like only yesterday but at the same time so much has happened since.  During this period I have tried to keep my life  moving forward. However, the pain of my loss is still quite raw and there are days when I start stepping backwards or morning s where I’m wrestling with the duvet, as it feels as though there is nothing to get up for!

At least now I can remember beyond the final days of Caroline’s life.  I can remember the good times that we had.  I have tried to keep Caroline’s memory alive as it gives me and kids great comfort knowing that she is still with us.  I make no apology for this.  I am now starting to enjoy myself without feeling guilty for doing so although there is still that sense of injustice that Caroline has been taken away from us at her prime.  Its just so unfair.  I still miss her so much.

20th Wedding Anniversary in Dublin

I am determined though that I live as normal a life as possible.  I don’t know what that looks like and now reaching a point where I need to take the next steps.  Although living my life without Caroline will be hard I have take control of my own destiny and that of my children.    My life now is unrecognizable from where I was three years ago.

Just three years ago Caroline and I had sketched the next phase of our life together.  We had both worked really hard and raised our family.  The kids were now old enough to fend for themselves.  We had discussed what we would do and where we would go.  Initially we would just go out for a drink or a meal together but then as time rolled on we were dreaming of the holidays we would take.  I would free up time from my career by taking some timely step “backward” eventually becoming freelance.  The future together looked so exciting.  But before these plans had even got off the ground “BANG!”  You know the rest.

Now I find myself in many ways starting again.  I’m confused about which direction I will be travelling.  I’m absolutely terrified of where my personal life may turn up.  The sorts of considerations and options in front of me are not easy for a 49-year-old single man to contemplate.  What I do know is I don’t want to sit in my house feeling lonely and sorry for myself.  Most single people would say that loneliness is the worse.  Don’t get me wrong I got my kids, my family and friends who have been terrific. But they have their own lives and cannot be expected to be around all the time.  So I will take these issues into my own hands.  I need to carve my own pathway.  Trouble is I don’t have a map.

The most important step in any journey is the first step.  At the beginning I will only be dipping my toe into this new world.  Top of my list is to meet new people   Working freelance the past 6 months has brought me into contact with so many new and interesting people.  I have found the range of people and the diversity of business communities absolutely fascinating.  Its almost like working in “Middle Earth”.  Although I have not met the Hobbit yet! I have definitely made some  lasting business relationships.  Now I want to extend this networking experience to my social life and find some companionship.

Where do people of say 45 plus go?  Now I haven’t quite written myself off yet.  I still feel as I can walk into any bar without embarrassing myself.  Well not until I start doing my dad dancing!   But where do you to do something a bit more meaningful. 

I could join one of the many singles clubs that exist in Bristol. However, the mere mention of “single clubs” conjures up images of either Darby and Jones Club or swingers club or worse of all both!  Now to be clear I’m sure singles clubs on the whole are good fun and legitimate serving an important part in peoples lives.   Not sure I’m ready to throw myself wholly into such a club yet.

As I have said before in previous blogs there are activities I want to take up to learn new skills, which will bring me into contact with other people.  In fact one of my goals this year is to “learn to cook properly”.  I have also found a wine tasting course that looks good fun.  Not only does the session lasts from 10:30am to 4pm, I should be able to differentiate one wine from the other by its taste and not only by its colour, as I do now.  Sounds very appealing.  Wine Tasting.  I guess that there will be a range of activities and events that I will get involved in.  What the next steps are after these I have absolutely no idea.

There are going to be so many different twists and turns along this road its certainly going to be scary and adventurous.  I never ever wanted or thought I would be at this place but given that I am then lets make the most of it.  I’m sure Caroline will be smiling when she sees me at a “cookery course”!

Words to Primal Scream:  Movin On Up!

  

The Watson Meal Planner wc 15th April 2013

Wc 15th  April 2013

Monday

Joe:  Out

Dad:  Mushroom soup

Tuesday

Paul & Karen: Smoked Haddock, New Potatoes, Peas

Georgina and Joe:  Breaded Cod, New Potatoes or Pasta, Peas   

Wednesday

Turkey drummers, pasta and peas

Dad late

Thursday

Chicken Thighs with an Orange Chipotle, Chilli & Thyme Marinade, Rice

Friday

Pasta bolognese

Saturday

Take Away

Sunday

TBA

April 14th: My Birthday

Wow!  What a weekend.  So much to tell, so many people to thank.  Today, the 14^th April, is my birthday.  My first one since Caroline passed away.  The start of the week had been tough.  I miss her so much and not being able to be with her is unbearable.  As the week went on I gradually started to pull myself together.  In any case there was a charity bike ride to organize for the 13th and then the party on the evening.  Even before we had reached Saturday there had been a few scares to be dealt with.  For example the local newspapers either side of the border had announced that the Severn Bridge was closed over the weekend for maintenance.  If this was true the all ride was off.  Thankfully, this had proved to be a false alarm.  Just goes to show that the press cant even get that right.

The "intrepids" at the Sennedd, Cardiff Bay

The idea of a bike ride in memory of Caroline from Cardiff to Bristol seemed to be a great one at the time.  But there is always one essential ingredient for any enjoyable bike ride.  Good weather!  The weather forecast suggested we were going to get something quite different from the ideal.  The forecast was absolutely atrocious.

The Bristol entourage set off to Cardiff by car in good spirits determined not to let the forecast get us down.  “Bring it on”.  Anyway the weather was surprisingly good.  Had the forecasters got it wrong again?  The question was very quickly answered.  No!  As soon as we reached the Welsh capital the first drops started to fall from the sky.  We had to prepare ourselves.  First things first!  A fuel stop! Mimosa Kitchen and Bar on Cardiff Bay for an excellent breakfast.  We were now ready to take on the World!  The intrepid cyclists were now ready for the 50 mile endurance test.

It was great to see so many supporters and well wishers. The Bristol boys of Rich, Neil, Karl, Mark and I now joined by the Welsh contingent of Dave, “Rat” and “Sprinter” set off on their machines to Bristol.  At the back of my mind I was concerned that the weather conditions had increased the risk of an accident.  Even hyperthermia.  Karl had turned up as though it was the middle of the summer.   My main goal was to get everyone home safely.

Alas! Melenium Sq, Bristol

The ride itself quickly became a duel between man and his machine against the elements.  Throughout the journey the heavens just emptied with the wind against us.  It was certainly a grueling ride of endurance.  The memory of Caroline and the work of St Peters Hospice spurred us on.  There was no way we were not going to finish.  The crossing of the Severn Bridge was spectacular for those who weren’t too scared to look down.   En route we even picked up a couple “stragglers”, Georgina’s friends Lizzy and Georgie, on the Portway Bristol, who accompanied us on the last five miles home.

The one value that we all had agreed to stick with no matter what was “we left as a team and we finish as a team”.  This was absolutely key to maintaining morale and safety.   Nearly five hours after leaving Cardiff Bay we proudly rode into Mellenium Square greeted by our supporters with so many wearing their St Peters Hospice t-shirts. At last we had made it.  Caroline would have been proud of our achievement although I know she would have been giving me grief for doing it in the rain.

There was a real sense of relief. The weather definitely played a part in the time.  The main thing is there was only one minor incident on the trip, a puncture in Avonmouth.  We had arrived in Bristol safe and unscarred.  The weather conditions had added to the sense of achievement to the Team effort.  Now the bar was beckoning and there was no way we were going to resist. We did look slightly out of place in a central Bristol bar soaking wet, covered in mud, and wet through when everyone around us were dressed up ready for an evening out.  Despite this we still received around £50 of donations for our cause.  The final total still has to be counted but we will have raised between £300 and £400.  A magnificent effort and well worthwhile.  We had completed the main event, next the celebration.

Fair play to everyone.  The cyclists had all managed to warm our bones, brush themselves down and were now ready for an evening of jocularity joined by a load more family and friends.  What a night! 

The venue, Kobe Karaoke, was absolutely perfect for us and highly recommended.  I had booked a large Karaoke booth furnished with contemporary sofas, chairs, a dance floor and interactive Karaoke screens.  Brilliant!   It was fair to say that in most cases the singing left a bit to be desired.  Although Suzanne’s rendition of Adele’s “rolling in the deep” was excellent.  My highlight of the evening was the old Sisters Sledge song “we are family”.  It just summed up the day and the past year.  It was so great to see so many friends and family together enjoying themselves. Without any doubt there will be a lot of people nursing sore heads and having a quiet day on the sofa.  This includes me.

Thanks to everyone for making my birthday so special in difficult circumstances.  If you can please donate to http://www.justgiving.com/Caroline-Watson-48.

The Watson Meal Planner wc 8th April

Wc 8th  April 2013

Monday

Lasagne and salad

Tuesday

Sausage casserole

Wednesday

Turkey drummers, pasta and peas

Dad out

Thursday

Tuna Pasta Bake (Karl cooking)

Friday

Pasta bolognese

Saturday

Who knows

Sunday

TBA

Happy Birthday

The knot in my stomach is starting to twist.  For the past few weeks life has been ok and moving forward.   I have been at ease with the world.  I do know what’s starting to grip me.  Next weekend is another one of those family milestones. It’s my birthday.

Now anyone who knows me would tell you that normally I would unashamedly be reminding every person I bump into that my birthday was coming.  The reminders would typically start towards the end of January and last right through to April.  Once April arrived then it would seem that the celebrations would continue right through the month.  I loved it!

My 40^th birthday, some time ago now, stands out as one of the best time ever.  Caroline arranged a surprise 70’s fancy dress party.  I still to this day do not know how I was convinced to wear a white disco suit, purple shirt, afro wig and platform shoes that night.  Even for me this was not my normal Saturday going out outfit.  Somehow I guess Caroline convinced me it was a good idea.  Who knows? The party was fantastic and very memorable enjoyed by all that came.  To cap it all my actual 40^th was spent in Las Vegas.  Actually it was even better than that.  I was best man for Neil who married Lucy in the Grand Canyon.  Now not every birthday was as extravagant as my 40^th but they were certainly big occasions.

As you would expect I do have mixed feelings about celebrating my birthday this year.  Any family celebration or occasion is difficult to deal with.  No matter how much we enjoy ourselves there is always an “empty seat”.  I feel as though my family is incomplete.  In some ways I dread getting together.  I hope you understand.

I have tried to overcome these feelings by organizing the bike ride from Cardiff to Bristol in Caroline’s memory.  It gives the kids and me great comfort to know people are thinking of Caroline and that she’s still part of our lives.  Caroline is too special to let fade from our memories.

On the flip side Caroline did tell us “all” to get on with our lives.  So we have no choice.  We will enjoy ourselves.   We know we would be doing Caroline a big dis-service if we did anything else  It’s a great feeling to know that so many people have put themselves out next weekend to come to Bristol to support us.  Nine people will complete the bike ride and well over 60 people will be joining me Saturday evening. The turnout means so much to Georgina, Joe and me.  Thanks and lets enjoy!

The Watson Meal Planner wc 1st April

Wc 1st April 2013

Monday

All Day English Breakfast

Tuesday

Turkey Drummers, Pasta, Peas

Cake That Joe Made!

Dad Out

Wednesday

Pasta, Panacetta and Leek

Thursday

Chicken Tikka Wraps

Friday

Fish cakes, chips and peas

Saturday

Sausage Casserole

Sunday

Roast Pork Sunday Lunch