The Butterfly Collector

“She said she was looking for her knight in shining white armour.  Blimey how disappointed is she going to be when she sees me”.

I’m sat in a coffee shop somewhere in South West England.  This has got to be one of the most surreal experiences of my life.  I’m sat in Costa Coffee waiting for a date.

How did I ever end up here?  What was I thinking of?  This is a nightmare?  What am I going to say?  What’s my first line?  Why am I even doing this?  Oh shit here she comes!  Here goes!

“Hi I’m Sue [that’s not her name just protecting the innocent]”

“Hi, I’m Paul…..”                    

Then off we chatted over coffee.  Chatting about all kinds of stuff: our kids, future plans, how we ended up on online dating, our experiences on match.com including the horror stories, gentle banter etc.  Surreal but enjoyable.  Very often she would say

“You look like your photos”

At this point I don’t know who they expected or indeed hoped for.  George Clooney perhaps!

“And you’re still here” I respond.  Always gets a little chuckle that one!

I have been having these little rendezvous all over the West of England.  Sharing a coffee.  Or wine.  Or beer.  Or lunch.  Or dinner.  Meeting some very pleasant and interesting women.  Having a laugh and enjoying myself.

The whole experience has lifted my spirits especially after how I was feeling that evening in Exeter Services.  To be honest its just good just to be out and about. Away from just staring at four walls.   Surprisingly, after the first couple of times I felt quite at ease with sitting in a coffee shop talking to complete strangers about life and the universe.  I guess I should be.  I do that for a job!  What’s the worst thing that can happen?  They walk out on you!  I have had a lot worse than that in my life so no worry there.  What generally happens is I have had an afternoon with a nice person, a bit of a laugh, in a nice place.  And they haven’t walked out. 

That's what I call an awkward first date

Like most blokes I don’t know how this dating thing works.  Women deny they are any rules but it’s all in their heads.  You have to remember that when I started “courting” Caroline we had only just passed the era where the man had to take the girl’s mother a box of chocolates, the dad wanted to know that your intentions were purely honourable and you had to be home by 10.  Nowadays apparently the first meeting is just that.  A meeting.  It’s not a date until you meet again.  That’s the biggest decision after meeting someone:  do you meet up for a second meeting i.e. first date.  What’s all that about?  It’s a minefield.  To my mind it would be much better if online dating websites were structured like “Tripadvisor”!  It would make life a lot easier.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not exactly impulsive or romantic in terms of “our eyes met across a crowded room”.   The whole relationship building is much slower.  That’s just as well as most people on these sites have complex background.  Plus we’re older and looking for a bit more from life.  What is clearly apparent it’s definitely the way forward and that lots and lots of people use it.  There are all kinds of flavour of sites that suit everyone taste.  For me it’s just a gentle re-introduction into the world and the start of my next chapter.