A Woman's Touch

Georgina has spread her wings and is in Thailand for a month with four “girl friends.   I’m trying to keep up with Georgina though Facebook and they all appear to be having a great time.  This is despite the fact that Georgina’s credit cards and phone were stolen within 4 hours of landing in Bangkok.  There’s quite a number of people reading this now saying “she’s just like her father.  Something always used to happen to him when he travelled”.

I spent most of Sunday afternoon cancelling her bank cards and phone sim and then worrying how Georgina was going to access her money whilst in Thailand.  Thankfully, all is sorted.  Well for now!  Fingers crossed!

Its events like these when I realise that I am only a man and will never have that mother’s intuition and eye for detail.  I leave too much to chance and good fortune.  My perspective on life is “lets go for it!” So when my daughter is about to fly half around the world to Thailand; visiting Bangkok a metropolitan city of over 14 million; a country that has had a curfew imposed on it by a military junta; and for good measure she trekking through a jungle, all I can think of is “Go for it girl!  You will have a great time!”

Don’t get me wrong.  I ensured Georgina had her injections, that I researched the Foreign and Commonwealth Office web page to make sure it was “relatively” safe, arranged travelled insurance.  I even photocopied Georgina’s passport.  It’s all the other practical and soft stuff that I haven’t thought about

There’s no doubt Caroline would have packed a small feast for Georgina to take.  As anyone who has ever been in the company of the Watsons will tell you how important food is to us.  Caroline would have made sure that insect repellent was packed; copy of all the vital documents filed safely; bought forward currency on https://www.iceplc.com/ .   There is no doubt that there would have been a girlie shopping trip to make sure Georgina was kitted out.  None of this ever really entered my mind.

Life seems to be flashing by at a considerable pace and I have not really adapted nor got myself that organised.  Everything I do seems to be reactive and spur of the moment.  It’s not just Georgina’s travel.  It’s all that stuff that really matters.  Remembering birthdays, anniversaries, making sure the kids are sorted etc.  I do my bit and the kids are of an age now when they can generally look after themselves.

I try to do the domestic duties.  Before I get a pile of abuse I know that the domestic duties should be shared between the partners.  In our case Caroline did the domestic stuff and I worked.  It’s just the way we parcelled it up between us.  Over the past two years I have almost become a modern day Freddie Mercury caricatures from the “I want to break free” video by Queen.  I make sure the house is clean, the clothes are washed and the dirty dishes are not piled up.  Again I do it because it needs doing not necessarily to make the house look a home.  Our home is definitely missing that “woman’s touch”.  I am convinced that this is one of the reasons my house has not been sold yet.  It’s a great house but it’s not at that show home quality.  That attention to detail.  Cushion arrangements, lampshades, flowers, throws for beds, all that girlie stuff!

Not having that eye for detail bothers me and frustrates me.  It’s just not in my makeup.  The frustration has intensified since Caroline’s passing as I don’t deal with setbacks as well as I used to.  I am ok when life is progressing but if something takes be backwards then my mood is down for a while.  I am able to pick myself back up but it’s a strange situation for me.  I have always prided myself on being quite resilient and able to adapt quickly to anything chucked at me.  Guess that’s one of the ingredients of why we were so good together.  Now there’s still a huge imbalance.

I have tried to adapt but I have to rely on others.  Luckily I have good people around me who can straighten my mind out.  I also have my own equivalent to mumsnet http://www.mumsnet.com/ .  I have had plenty of help with the “woman’s stuff” over the past couple of years.  Emotional support for the kids and for me; careers advice for the kids; shopping for the kids; fashion advice for me; ovens and fridges cleaned etc.  So I can’t complain about the support.

I need to re-prioritise parts of my life.  Try to focus on some big events that are staring me in the face.  Selling my house, helping Joe get a summer job and settle him into his student accommodation.  It is easy to think “thankfully Georgina is more self-sufficient so she’s ok” but even Georgina needs a big cuddle especially when she returns home.

As I have said before this journey is a tough one.  If anyone has a map and can plot the course let me know.