One Day At A Time (12th August 2012)

How can life be so dramatically different from one day to another?  Yesterday I was full of energy and couldn't wait for my forthcoming holiday.  I actually started believing in the future. Today, my feelings couldn't be more different.  Lethargic, lonely and low esteem.  Not sure what’s brought on the change. Is it the ending of the Olympics that has brought so much comfort over the past two weeks? The lull after the high of being around close family to celebrate mum and dad’s 50th wedding anniversary?  Or is this it? Is all that  I’ve got to look forward to is this numb feeling and the grieving process - whatever that is?

Whatever it is I know I can’t stop missing my lovely departed wife who passed away 4 weeks ago.  Caroline used to fill all of these gaps in time and more.  Now she's gone.  I'm now a single parent family.  Worse than that, I am a single dad. Rudderless! Caroline, I suspect like so many wives, used to do everything. Cook, see to the children, pay the bills, clean... Head cook and bottle washer! Now it's all down to me.  How scary is that?  How scary is that to my family?

As Caroline's illness and suffering was prolonged, I have had some time to hone some cooking skills under her direction. Actually, I'm not too bad now and can knock up some dishes. Not bad for a bloke who use to burn water.  Actually, I’m quite organised now.  Much to their amusement the kids get a meal planner emailed to them setting out their evening meal for the following week.   "Can't believe dad sends me an email telling me what I'm going to have for tea. My friends all think it's funny". They just think I'm a bit eccentric.  It’s a short week next week because we're off on holiday so just clearing down the freezer.

Amazingly I can now work the washing machine. You have to be a genius to understand the instructions provided.  I've decided that everything is washed on programme 4 with a measure of washing liquid.  It seems to have worked up to now.

Tonight is Mexican night.  The kids have invited their mates around for a Mexican meal.  They're all sat in the garden knocking back tequila. I love the fact there is laughter and happiness in the home.  Georgina and Joe have been through a lot over the past months and since Caroline's passing their friends have been magnificent.

I’m hoping that my lethargy is down to it being a Sunday. The weekends can be long and sometimes lonely.  Let's hope tomorrow is a better day.